Even though I’m not strategically looking for a knight in shining armour to spend the rest of my life with, I don’t mind browsing and think it’s only natural to be out there, in case something good comes along. Who knows what might happen?
Since I’m mostly done with clubbing and such methods of scouting around the scene, which have never been successful anyways, I’ve decided to try Internet dating. After all, I actually know a few women who have found the love of their life (or hitherto) there.
They also ran into a lot of opportunists and weirdoes so when I decided to place an ad on one of those dating sites couple of days ago, I thought it best to be accurate and concise to scare them off:
‘I’ve no interest in casual sex and can’t be bothered with any bullshit. Am a postgraduate and have a good job that I like. I have great sense of humour, am smart, kind, caring and spontaneous. Don’t smoke and have no children.’
There, I think that covers all the fundamentals; I’m not searching for just sex (only have to reach for the phone to take care of that), I have a rather high IQ and wouldn’t have much in common with men without brains and ambition. So I thought this ad was quite good and said everything that needed to be said in the beginning.
After half an hour my ad had been viewed 122 times and I had 9 messages waiting. Most of those guys had had an ad in there for over two years, which I didn’t think was a good sign. Very few of the ads said anything useful, typically just ‘I’m a good looking guy interested in meeting a woman who’s beautiful inside and out.’ Such an ad doesn’t really raise an interest and since most of the messages were ‘Hi!’ or ‘Hi, wanna chat?’
I started to seriously doubt these guys’ communication skills. Somebody should explain to them that although ‘Hi!’ might work as an opening line in a bar – where people can actually see one another and make all sorts of judgements based on appearances – you need a little more effective approach to catch someone’s attention in the cyber world. So I decided to completely ignore those amateurs.
The messages kept piling up and as nightfall drew closer, the more explicit and crude messages I received. Despite what I’d said in my ad I was still offered cyber sex, one guy wanted to come over straight away to warm my bed, two guys gave detailed descriptions of what they wanted to do with me and one man said he and his wife needed a ‘bit of a change’. What happened to going on mini-breaks? I soon got frustrated with all this nonsense so I started scavenging through the ads myself.
I found a few quite interesting bits, amongst them an ad from a man and a woman in the north who were coming to town soon and wanted to spend a night in a hotel room with a young woman. NB, they‘re married...but not to each other.
Anyway, the following day I received a message from a man who sounded really nice. He‘s interested in literature, theatre, concerts and well, sounds just very intellectual and interesting. I instantly started visualising a sexy, romantic philosopher. We hit it off right away, the messages went back and forth and he just sounded better and better; witty, well educated and had an apt for life. Too good to be true, actually.
He hadn’t said much about his situation so I started wondering if he had a stroll of children or three marriages behind him. So I asked straight out about his domestic circumstances. There was no hesitation, the next message started off: ‘I’m a happily married man, father of two...’
Oh really? AND YOU DON’T SEE ANY CONTRADICTION IN BEING ‘HAPPILY MARRIED’ AND HAVING AN AD ON LOOK4SOULMATE.COM????
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