Bitter Much?

Got into yet another discussion about love and relationships today, with two of my work mates. One of whom has been with his wife for 11 years, married 7, and the other beaming with happiness after having moved in with his girlfriend of 9 months. Those guys obviously thought I’m just a bitter cow when I said: ‘I’m perfectly happy on my own and don’t really need a relationship.’ Let them think what they want.

But I mean it. I feel completely content with the way things are and have often declared that the thought of becoming a ‘spinster’ isn’t that horrible. I can see in other people’s eyes though that they think I’ve given up somehow - and vowed to stay single for the rest of my life. I think those are the people who started, as kids or teenagers, to visualize themselves spending their lives with someone special in the future, expecting to be the half of a pair for the rest of their lives, as if it was inevitable. And then they did.

I was actually just like them in the beginning, as a teenager, but then started weighing the pros and the cons. I wanted to be independent and take care of myself financially, so that I could travel and be free to pack my things and take off to Timbuktu if I wanted to, whenever I wanted to. And I envisioned doing so many things that an ordinary family life would make difficult, if not impossible.

But the main reason why I’m still single is that if I ever were to form a serious relationship with a man, I‘d want it to happen for the right reasons. Not just because I met someone whom I could accept as a husband and struggle with through decades of marriage, but because after spending time with that man I‘d find it difficult to spend the rest of my life without him. And I‘m not talking about love at first sight, a soul mate or any of that rubbish. I don‘t believe in those things. Just someone I‘d get so well on with and enjoyed so much being with that I’d think it would make me more happy to go through life with him rather than without. Someone that I could share the journey of life and we’d help each other to blossom as human beings. And, of course, I‘d want him to choose me, not just because he was looking for a partner but because he stumbled upon me and would want to share his life with me and not just some good woman who‘d make a ‘convenient’ wife.

If it happens, it happens. If it doesn‘t happen this way, then it just won’t happen at all. And the thought of spending my life without a partner does not seem terrifying to me at all.

I‘m quite sure you can find fulfilment and have a happy life some other way. I‘ve heard of such people, I‘m sure they exist.